Lost in Confusion

  "An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind."

-Mahatma Gandhi

You were so young and naive. The adults around you were trying to protect you, hide the TVs, "You can't watch PBS today," they'd say. But you watched anyway. You were intrigued. When your teacher came in to class, her face was sullen and pale. You barely noticed, because you weren't worried. She gathered you and your classmates into a prayer circle to pray. To a God you no longer believe in. She told you something terrible had happened and that you must pray for the people stuck in the buildings. You did not want to pray. You wanted to go outside and play in the remaining hours of summer the world will ever know. 

You were home now, sitting behind the couch. Watching. Your Mom didn’t know you were there. Watching. Images of blood, dust, fire, buildings falling, even hate, flashed before your eyes. You understood what was happening. You felt a strong sense of patriotism rise from within your body. A feeling that has since turned to resentment toward the hateful world you live in.  

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Its amazes you now, when you watch the videos taken 10 years ago, a lost childhood gone by, the world you now live in, so different than the innocent world you were born into. The sound of the journalist’s shocked voices as they informed you a plane has hit the 1^st World Trade Tower. It’s an accident, they said. A terrible accident.  The seemly truth then, a joke now. You shake your head at the ignorance of the beginning of that day. Then, you shake your head and scold yourself. Those were different times, you tell yourself. You can only imagine if that were to happen now. Your country has changed from an apparent innocent nation, to an accusatory, quick to judge super power. Your fellow Americans are constantly thinking: Terrorism. Terrorist. Muslim. Terrorist. What did they do?

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You walked in the door, home from another day of school, another day of searching but never finding. Your mother thought you were downstairs, in your playroom, playing house with your barbies, like a normal little girl. You were not. Your eyes were once again glued to the television. We’ve invaded Iraq, the newsman says, to kill the bad guys. The bad guys who killed our good people. This will be a short war, a military looking man says, as his confident face flickers on your TV. The newsman was now showing you familiar images to you. Things exploding, blood, dust, and fire. Hate.

You could almost reach the counter tops in the kitchen now. The calendar said that it was spring, but outside it was still gloomy and cold. Too nasty to play in. The man you’d come to know as your president was on the TV again. His mouth was moving-he was saying something. But you were not even sure if he was speaking English. He’s the good guy, you’re grandfather told you. But you were not so sure. The man was telling you “Mission Accomplished,” but on the split screen, you still saw the fighting, the fire, the hate. It hadn’t gone away.

Christmas was almost here, you told your mom you wanted a doll house, but you were really not sure what you want. Nothing made sense anymore. You’re teacher had asked you to do a report on how great the country you live in is, your last thing to do before Christmas break. But you were not even sure your country is that great. Why would a good country kill people? You shook your head, trying to clear your brain of these thoughts, feeling guilty for thinking such things, and sat down on the living room floor. Once again your attention was drawn to the newsman on the TV. The scroll rolling across the bottom declares that there was breaking news. You cringed. You always did now. Breaking news was never a good thing. The screen changed from the newsman, to a bearded man, disheveled and wrinkly. The newsman comes back, joy showing in his voice. They caught him, he said, the man responsible for that bad day. They were showing you those images again. Images of blood, dust, fire, buildings falling, and hate. Violence. You were not even sure where they were taken, in New York, when those two towers fell, or in that far away country. The far away country that your president declared we had finished our mission in, months ago. So why were we still there?

Years have passed, you were older now. You could finally reach the kitchen cupboard. And you were disappointed. Christmas has just passed and the happy feelings of childhood had come and gone on the same day. And now you were left feeling as lost and confused as ever.  That morning you had put on your snow boots and you’re heavy purple coat and made the long trek to the mail box to get the newspaper for your grandpa. When you got there, you yanked it off the hook it was hanging on, and opened the paper to the front page. You were aghast at when you saw.

A dead man staring back at you. A man killed in justice, yet killed in hate.

He was the same man you had seen years ago, but now he looked older, tortured, and lost. He was dead. Your country had killed him.

You are much older now, wiser. You are laying in bed, watching Sunday night football….you don’t remember what teams were playing, it seems so unimportant. The game was almost over, and by luck or by instinct you grabbed the remote to check the news channels, just in case. It’s become a natural instinct of yours by now, watching the news. Being involved. Searching for knowledge, answers. There was no breaking news, just a rerun, so you turned the channel back. What you didn’t realize was seconds later, there was breaking news.

            At the end of the game, the screen turned red, the words in white, flashing. Presidential Address.  You, of course panicked. An unwanted product of your childhood. You  always, always, assume the worst. The man you’ve come to trust as your president, the man you told your mother, repeatedly, to vote for, walked out to his podium, and begins to speak.  "Good evening. Tonight, I can report to the American people and to the world that the United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden, the leader of al Qaeda, and a terrorist who's responsible for the murder of thousands of innocent men, women, and children(Obama)." 

Your ears heard the word, you know they do. Your eyes watched his mouth move, telling you the words. But it takes you a few moments to process them. And once you do, like the last kick to your unconscious and dying childhood, you begin to sob. Big tears roll down your face, heavy with loss, confusion, anger, and joy. You feel happy, proud of your country for getting Osama. But then you suddenly stop sobbing, the tears dry up. Your country has once again killed. You know that you are supposed to feel joy, pride and comfort in this news, but you don’t. At first, you feel nothing. You are numb. Then, the anger comes. The questions come next. Then, the conclusions.

Your country justifies killing with killing. Your country thinks it’s better than everyone else, has power over everyone. You have grown up, living on an earth that you interpret as a misunderstood world. 

You don’t cry anymore. You get angry. Your childhood can be deciphered by one word: confusion. Your coming adulthood is more complicated: It’s a search for answers. It’s a search for the truths, but even more, it’s a search for the lies. 

Century’s Apart Freedom Fight Remains

They were both here to recruit you. They were both here to recruit you to help stop great injustice in their time. Thomas Paine and Harvey Milk may have been born in different centuries, during different times, but both were working towards freedom. Paine was attempting to break free from a ruthless, unjust Britain, and Her King. Milk’s aspiration was to live in a world where people who were gay were no longer treated like second-class citizens. Paine and Milk strived for freedom, using similar strategies, both looking for goals which were very much alike: freedom for their people.

            Thomas Paine understood the significance around having everyone help towards a greater cause. “I call not upon a few, but upon all; not on this state of that state, but on every state; up and help us; lay your shoulders on the wheel; better have too much force than too little, when so great an object is a stake.”(Paine 161) Thomas Paine understood that in order to defeat the British he had to rally everyone against the British, giving them hope for a new country.

            Harvey Milk realized that it was crucial for the gay community to stick together, so they wouldn’t be alone in their fight for freedom against stereotypes and injustice. “We must band together and fight back.”(Milk) Milk also knew that “They were strong, but even they needed hope.”(Milk) Harvey Milk wanted the gay community to find strength and hope by banding together, and sticking together. Only then could they even begin their fight against stereotypes and injustice.

            Paine was aching for liberation from Britain, leaving America to be Her own free country, free of the injustice that Britain put down upon them. Paine and the colonists felt like slaves to Great Britain. “Britain, with an army to enforce her tyranny, has declared that she has a right (not only to Tax) but ‘to BIND us in ALL CASES WHATSOEVER,” and if being bound in that manner, that is not slavery, then is there not such a thing as slavery upon earth.”(Paine 161) Thanks to the poor treatment and taxes, Britain had led Paine and others like him, to feel like slaves. Now Paine and the other colonists were ready for change. They were ready for freedom.

            Milk wanted to free the gay people the world of prejudice, on step at a time, starting in his city. He too, like Paine, dealt with the knowledge that his people were often treated like second-class citizens. “If the city of San Francisco, if every one of 51 percent of that city were to go to South Africa, they would be treated as second-class citizens. That is an offence to the people of San Francisco.”(Milk) Milk was working towards a world where there was no prejudice against gay people. The gay community was tired of being treated like second-class citizens, and Milk was trying to achieve freedom for them.

            In order to obtain freedom, Paine recognized the importance of wanting to be free, desperately. “What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly. ‘Tis dearness only that gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as freedom should not be highly rated.”(Paine 160) Paine wanted everyone to understand that they had to deeply want freedom, before it would be achievable.

            Milk recognized that in order to achieve freedom from stereotypes and prejudice, the gay community had to work hard, and that they needed to understand the great worth of what they were fighting to secure. “The first gay people we elect must be strong. They must not be content to sit in the back of the bus. They must not be content to accept pabulum. They must be above wheeling and dealing. They must be –for the good of all of us- independent, unbought.”(Milk) Milk reasoned that without wanting it badly enough, it would be an impossible goal to reach.

            Although Thomas Paine and Harvey Milk were alive during completely different times, their goals were surprisingly alike. Both understood the power of people as a whole, and both were treated unfairly. So they stood up against it, and fought for what they believed in. They both wanted the same thing: freedom. One wanted freedom from an unjust nation and the other, freedom from stereotypes and prejudice. Most importantly, they gave people hope for a better tomorrow.

Reflection

     You were so young and naive. The adults around you were trying to protect you, hide the TVs, "You can't watch PBS today," they'd say. But you watched anyway. You were intrigued. When you're teacher comes in to class, her face is sullen and pale. You barely notice, you weren't worried. She gathers you and your classmates into a prayer circle to pray. To a God you are no longer sure you believe in. She tells you something terrible has happened and you must pray for the people stuck in the buildings. You do not want to pray. You want to go outside and play in the remaining hours of summer the world will ever know. 


     You're home now, sitting behind the couch. Watching. You're Mom doesn't know you're in here. Watching. Images of blood, dust, fire, place, even hate, flash before your eyes. You understand what is happening. You feel a strong sense of patriotism rise from within your body. A feeling that has since turned to resentment toward the hateful world you live in. You think you understand what's happening as you sit there, behind the couch. Watching. You don't. You think you understand now, tears flowing down your face as you write. Tears full of anger. Tears full of confusion. Tears full of disappointment. Disappointment in a lost childhood. You don't understand now, even though you think you do. You never will. How can one understand such hate? Hate against those who did it. Hate against those who hate those who did it. Hate for the hate that runs hot in the blood of our American society. Hate at confusion. 

Eleanor Rigby

All the lonely people Where do they all come from?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?

      

       

   A long time ago, long before your grandparent’s grandparents were brought into the world, there was a little girl named Eleanor Rigby. Her dull brown hair fell down to her knees and her face looked unkempt, oily and gray with filth. Her mother was always away at work, weaving thread to create colorful dresses for the rich ladies in town. Her father, whom she could remember nothing of, had died during a plague before she was even born. Being too poor to attend school, Eleanor spent her days roaming the streets, trying to avoid the putrid waste that that rich would pour in the streets for the poor to suffer in.

One day, Eleanor Rigby came across a young boy, much like her. His face was also covered in filth, but this filth was brown rather than Eleanor’s gray. They became friends, roaming the streets together during the days, sharing fantasies that they too may someday by as privileged and well off as the towns’ people. There was only one thing keeping them from happiness in their minds. Money. During one of their afternoon strolls, they came across an announcement nailed to the tree in the town square.

LITTLE GIRL WANTED FOR OUTBREAK OF FOOD THEIFTS.  MONEY REWARD FOR CAPTURE.

Eleanor felt uneasy reading this; the little girl’s poor family was probably just very hungry. The next day, as they were walking along the young boy next to her who had become a trusted friend, was acting strange. Suddenly, out from behind the building know as the bakery, came three strong men, who grabbed Eleanor Rigby violently, dragging her towards the town square. The young boy following behind. When asked by the three men if this was the girl, the young boy eagerly agreed. Shortly thereafter, the young boy ran off with the bag full of money he had received as a reward. He had sold out the little girl for money, turning in an innocent person who had come to trust him. For money.

Something was created in that moment, as something died in hearts around the world, past, present, and future. Trust suffered a painful death that day, just as Eleanor’s father had during the plague. A whole new world was unearthed that day.

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                    After spending most of her childhood being punished, Eleanor went on to have children who suffered from a mind swallowing loneliness. They chose to avoided people rather than suffer the pain of people breaking trust for their own gain. Her children went on to have children, as did their children and so forth.  Today, when you run across a lonely person, you’re meeting a new generation of Eleanor Rigby’s. Too untrusting to befriend. To lost in their loneliness to be freed.

No one was saved.

Century’s Apart Freedom Fight Remains

  

            They were both here to recruit you. They were both here to recruit you to help stop great injustice in their time. Thomas Paine and Harvey Milk may have been born in different centuries, during different times, but both were working towards freedom. Paine was attempting to break free from a ruthless, unjust Britain, and Her King. Milk’s aspiration was to live in a world where people who were gay were no longer treated like second-class citizens. Paine and Milk strived for freedom, using similar strategies, both looking for goals which were very much alike: freedom for their people.

            Thomas Paine understood the significance around having everyone help towards a greater cause. “I call not upon a few, but upon all; not on this state of that state, but on every state; up and help us; lay your shoulders on the wheel; better have too much force than too little, when so great an object is a stake.”(Paine 161) Thomas Paine understood that in order to defeat the British he had to rally everyone against the British, giving them hope for a new country.

            Harvey Milk realized that it was crucial for the gay community to stick together, so they wouldn’t be alone in their fight for freedom against stereotypes and injustice. “We must band together and fight back.”(Milk) Milk also knew that “They were strong, but even they needed hope.”(Milk) Harvey Milk wanted the gay community to find strength and hope by banding together, and sticking together. Only then could they even begin their fight against stereotypes and injustice.

            Paine was aching for liberation from Britain, leaving America to be Her own free country, free of the injustice that Britain put down upon them. Paine and the colonists felt like slaves to Great Britain. “Britain, with an army to enforce her tyranny, has declared that she has a right (not only to Tax) but ‘to BIND us in ALL CASES WHATSOEVER,” and if being bound in that manner, that is not slavery, then is there not such a thing as slavery upon earth.”(Paine 161) Thanks to the poor treatment and taxes, Britain had led Paine and others like him, to feel like slaves. Now Paine and the other colonists were ready for change. They were ready for freedom.

            Milk wanted to free the gay people the world of prejudice, on step at a time, starting in his city. He too, like Paine, dealt with the knowledge that his people were often treated like second-class citizens. “If the city of San Francisco, if every one of 51 percent of that city were to go to South Africa, they would be treated as second-class citizens. That is an offence to the people of San Francisco.”(Milk) Milk was working towards a world where there was no prejudice against gay people. The gay community was tired of being treated like second-class citizens, and Milk was trying to achieve freedom for them.

            In order to obtain freedom, Paine recognized the importance of wanting to be free, desperately. “What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly. ‘Tis dearness only that gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as freedom should not be highly rated.”(Paine 160) Paine wanted everyone to understand that they had to deeply want freedom, before it would be achievable.

            Milk recognized that in order to achieve freedom from stereotypes and prejudice, the gay community had to work hard, and that they needed to understand the great worth of what they were fighting to secure. “The first gay people we elect must be strong. They must not be content to sit in the back of the bus. They must not be content to accept pabulum. They must be above wheeling and dealing. They must be –for the good of all of us- independent, unbought.”(Milk) Milk reasoned that without wanting it badly enough, it would be an impossible goal to reach.

            Although Thomas Paine and Harvey Milk were alive during completely different times, their goals were surprisingly alike. Both understood the power of people as a whole, and both were treated unfairly. So they stood up against it, and fought for what they believed in. They both wanted the same thing: freedom. One wanted freedom from an unjust nation and the other, freedom from stereotypes and prejudice. Most importantly, they gave people hope for a better tomorrow. 

What do Puritans and The Tea Party have in common? More than you think.

 Puritanism still influences our country today. Recently, Presidential Candidate Michele Bachmann said during a campaign speech in Florida “I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?’” (From St. Petersburg Times)  This resonates the words of Jonathan Edwards, a puritan preacher from 18th century America.  Jonathan Edwards said in a sermon “The wrath of God is like great waters that are dammed for the present; they increase more and more, and rise higher and higher, till an outlet is given; and the longer the stream is stopped, the more rapid and mighty is it’s course, when once it is let loose.” (Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God, Jonathan Edwards) Puritan beliefs can still be found in America today among those who are on the religious far right. 

Puritans built their religion and society on fear of an angry God. “This is the case of every one of you that are out of Christ. That world of misery, that lake of burning brimstone, is extended abroad under you. There is a dreadful pit of glowing flames of the wrath of God; there is Hell’s wide gaping mouth open; and you have nothing to stand upon, nor anything to take hold of; there is nothing between you and Hell but the air; it is only the power and mere pleasure of God that holds you up.” (Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God, Jonathan Edwards) Puritans ran their society on the fear of the wrath of an angry God. They were taught to believe that with one mistake, they would be forever condemned. Therefore their society remained obedient, in fear of the burning brimstone.

Puritan beliefs still run deep today in American politics. American politics has always been a battle between whose beliefs are correct, and who’s beliefs make them “Morally Bankrupt.” This practice in American politics goes all the way back to when the Puritans were prevalent.  Today, you can find the Puritans beliefs being fought for by The Republican’s and Conservatives in America. Take Rick Perry for instance, He’s the front running Republican Presidential Candidate. In June, he suggests during an interview: “We’re going through those difficult economic times for a purpose, to bring us back to those Biblical principles.” (Think Progress.org) Rick Perry, a major voice in the Republican Party, reflects the views of Jonathan Edwards. Edwards said “Those that are gone from being in the like circumstances with you, see that it was so with them; destruction came suddenly upon most of them; when they expected nothing of it, and while they were saying, peace and safety: now they see, that those things on which they depended for peace and safety, were nothing but thin air and empty shadows.” (Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God, Jonathan Edwards) Rick Perry believes that America needs to get back to the Puritan ways, and he wants Americans to remember money won’t keep you safe, God will. This sounds very much like Jonathan Edward’s belief.

Puritans believe that if you’re willing to give sin up for God, he will be righteous. “And now you have an extraordinary opportunity, a day wherein Christ has thrown the door of mercy wide open, and stands calling and crying with a loud voice to poor sinners; a day wherein many are flocking to him, and pressing into the kingdom of God.” (Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God, Jonathan Edwards) This belief is also still prevalent today in America. An entire industry of television preachers, advertisements, billboards, end of the world prophesies, books, music, and websites are calling for Americans to surrender their lives to God, or they will forever burn in Hell.

Although you may not see Puritans in their classic attire, giving their fiery sermons, Puritanism is still influencing America today. Puritanism is reflected in political views, religions, books, television and much more. America will always be in battle over what is morally right, and wrong. Puritanism will always be a lingering ideology in American society.